Theeo Thoughts № 011 | Wisdom

Happy International Woman's Day All.

It feels like an apropos moment to dust off dear men this month. It was 5 years ago now that it wrote itself out my hand.

How have we done? What new ways have we learned?

• Is a balanced, whole person yet in fashion?
• Are we building systems that appreciate, expect, and value being in hearts and minds, strength and skill while doing tactically?
• Might it be okay for us to be direct and kind without anyone feeling threatened?
• Can we express emotions and drive outcomes without the combination seeming counterintuitive?
• Can we raise small humans unconditionally so they grow up to be unafraid of their totality?
• Might it be possible to build worlds where nobody's totality is marginalised and feared, resulting in heinous acts, bad policy, and abject stupidity?
• Can this particular country ever turn the page on its inability to elect qualified, gracious, smart, and wise women to the highest office?
• Lastly, are we willing to seek and step into our own power per the flame within, lead from there, thus ceasing to expect that the aged systems will find their own ways out of the repetitive looping?

Fear creates contraction.

Wisdom creates space.

The future is a wise one.

dear men

dear men

I am exhausted.

I love you and respect (most of) you. And I need you to listen.

Your worldview is not the worldview.

I am tired of having to cajole an alternative view into existence by mollycoddling you rather than feeling confident that I can simply name it and will be heard, listened to, seen, and appreciated for my worldview.

I do not need you to agree with me.

I need you to hear me.

I need you to meet me halfway  —  braving that your fragility isn’t at risk by my strength.

I need you to open up and recognize that in doing so you are actively participating in changing the imbalances so deeply rooted in our psyches around gender and power.

I need you to not react and defend, but rather soften and open.

I need you to help me model what a future actually looks like so the kids will experience men and woman appreciating, exploring, and navigating the gorgeous differences between genders.

I need you to stand up and take baby steps into this complex jungle using our micro moments to learn any and all nuances about each blindspot we have co-created together for millennia.

I need you to do this with me hand-in-hand without trying to absorb me.

I need you to get quiet so I can get loud. I need you to feel into the discomfort of your quiet and my loud  —  and interrogate that emotion.

I need you to realize that intimacy is about our differences, not our merging. To feel safe, held, honored and respected, I need you to see me as fully individuated from you. I am myself. I am me. I am who I am and you are who you are.

I need you to see and then believe in the beauty of the differences and power between us.

I need you to not dominate as a default.

I need you to get aware.

I need you to live in your questions far more than living in your convictions.

I need you to create room for others.

I need you to pause.

The dance is exhausting. The losses are enormous  —  and time is running out.

We have to do this work for the future. We need one another to get it done.

I need an agreement from you that you are able and willing to take my hand and go on this walk together  —  as two people, between two people, as warriors together  —  trusting we can only fight the battle united.

dear men

I am exhausted.

I love you and respect (most of) you. And I need you to hear.

Come with me.

Please stop thinking you have to lead. I’ve got this. And I need you. It’s just that I need you in a new, different way than I’ve needed you in the past.

I need you to play second.

I need you to be vulnerable.

I need you to listen.

I need you to be your powerful self while not diminishing my powerful self.

I need you to revere the feminine in you.

I need you to dance with detaching from your identity to make room for mine.

I need you to laugh at yourself without using it to take up so much space in the room.

I need you to be patient in understanding this is going to take time, intention, trial, and error.

I need you to get out of solve and hero mode and get into explore and awake mode.

I need your partnership on this. And I need you to know it’s not about you.

dear men

I am exhausted.

I love you and respect (most of) you. And I need you to see.

love women

(International Women's Day, March 2020)

The Fear Wall

Here is a practice for cutting through unconscious fear. Fear that manifests itself in dysfunctional conversations, unhealthy dynamics, poor teaming, and organisational stagnation.

Try it with a group or simply journal yourself. Visualise the fear wall.

• How dense, seemingly impenetrable, and high might it be? (Honesty here, not ego.)
• What ways might you be able to walk through, around, or summit it? (Courage and vision here, not victim consciousness.)

Prompts:

What is the story in your head about using your voice?

• Who gives you permission?
• Who gets to speak and who does not?
• What value do you place on amount of words said?
• Who speaks for you?
• How do you speak for others?
• When is the right time to speak up?

What if you started with sharing? Not explaining, nor directing. Sharing. I feel. I think. I would love to...

What is the story in your head about judgement?

• Who is your judge and jury?
• How do you judge others?
• What is your measuring stick?
• What are the eyes you see others through?
• How are they colored?

What if you started from imperfection? I am imperfect… They are imperfect… And so we're each perfectly imperfect. Let's begin.

What is the story in your head about safety?

• What large animal is metaphorically chasing you down?
• What aged storylines continuously threaten your sense of freedom, safety, and happiness?
• How much money, titling, glory is enough?

What if you were to write a new story inclusive of your safety, happiness, and freedom? I am always safe… Being me is safe… Not having a fully formed thought is safe… Being in unknown territory is safe. Pretending in advance the situation is already solved e.g. "thank you for showing me the issue is already solved." can calm the reptile and make room for generative discussion, debate, and decisioning.

What is the story in your head about conflict?

• Do you self-permit to say what is true for you while surrendering attachment to outcome?
• How does the center of the Venn diagram of honesty, vulnerability, and untidy dialog strike you?
• What personal offense do you take by another's choices and actions?
• What story lives inside you about connecting with people?
• What do you imagine happening if you name what is true for you rather than yell your demands?

I can say what is true for me and relax into what comes back… I can express from my beingness and hold space for yours, and nothing catastrophic will happen … I cannot control others which doesn’t change how I can live in my truth and authenticity… I can express myself without a death grip or from reactivity — to be peace rather than war.

Links

Through the Looking Glass

To all the girls and boys who give a damn, making a point to surrender to unconscious patterning, doing the deeply challenging and never-ending self work to be of service balancing the imbalances — within and therefore without — in this world.

To everyone here leading teams and organisations, courageous enough to wire the work into operations and delivery —

• Expecting of yourselves and everyone around you that you can and will do better for the current vision and mission, and with an eye on the more evolved future.
• Not worrying so much about the badges, programs, and placards and instead committing focus, attention, and application of real-time change in behavior, mindsets, mental models, awarenesses, and communication as foundational to tangible, systemic change.
• Honoring yourselves mindfully and lovingly so that you can bring that signature out into a world unfortunately still wired on fear and manipulation where real lives, real women, real children, and yes real men suffer.
• Living from your power to alter the equation one conversation at a time.

Cheers to journeying together while celebrating the important and unfinished work specifically around reproductive rights, ending violence against all beings, and ensuring equality particularly where none exists.

The portal is through her.

Full of wisdom.

Existing within each of us.

Bringing balance.

Happy International Women's Day.

Big love.

You’ve got this. x 

Kathryn
Head of Theeo